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Oh, how the interrogatories cut.

November 17, 2012

This is quite possibly the most entertaining restaurant review of all time.  In the event you didn’t hear about it on the interwebs this past week, it is a review composed entirely of 34 rhetorical sallies, all of them aimed at the nacho encased heart of Guy Fieri.

Here’s a little taste:  “When you saw the burger described as “Guy’s Pat LaFrieda custom blend, all-natural Creekstone Farm Black Angus beef patty, LTOP (lettuce, tomato, onion + pickle), SMC (super-melty-cheese) and a slathering of Donkey Sauce on garlic-buttered brioche,” did your mind touch the void for a minute?”    Or one of my favorites: “Is the entire restaurant a very expensive piece of conceptual art? Is the shapeless, structureless baked alaska that droops and slumps and collapses while you eat it, or don’t eat it, supposed to be a representation in sugar and eggs of the experience of going insane?”  Yessss, yessss.   FINISH HIM, mwa ha ha.

In a Today Show interview, Guy aimed to paint the situation as some big city bully coming into his restaurant with less than pure objectives.  I’ll admit – it may be fair to say that Guy Fieri, in all his bleached and bloated glory, is an easy target.  You write that kind of review about a new Mario Batali outpost, and I doubt it would have the same gleeful reception.  At the same time, the reviewer’s claim of encountering schlocky, pseudo Americana at Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar has the ring of truth.

Whatever.  Both the New York Times and Guy are better off after some snarky zings.  Guy, just go cry about it over a couple of stiff ‘blue drinks’ with your bro, McConaughey, and count your money.

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